Column: Digging deep into Penguins’ abyss

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Chris Kunitz takes a shot that produces nothing more than one of Jaroslav Halak’s 37 saves. — GETTY

BY DEJAN KOVACEVIC

There’s backing into the Stanley Cup playoffs, and then there’s backing up over Niagara Falls.

And as it happens, these catatonic, collapsing Penguins are bound for precisely that part of the world, on their way to Buffalo with one final shot at salvaging a season that, in all candor, barely seems worth salvaging anymore.

Not to be fatalistic or anything.

“This is why you play 82,” Sidney Crosby was saying, continuing to push forth late last night after the 3-1 loss to the Islanders at Consol Energy Center. “When you’re this close, you can’t give up. You can’t let it affect you. You’ve got to find a way to get it done.”

The captain played hard. He had one assist. That didn’t get it done.

The team played hard. It dominated the shots, 38-26, and the possession. That didn’t get it done.

“Sometimes it happens,” Evgeni Malkin said across the room. “No confidence. Couple injuries. Power play not great. I hope tomorrow we score lots of goals and we save the rest for playoffs.”

Malkin played hard. Played hurt, too, from the looks of it. He’s dragging.

My goodness, they’re all dragging. The franchise as a whole is dragging after digging this hole, one unlike any in the Crosby/Malkin era, and it’s been almost astonishing to watch.

Almost.

See, it’s one thing for a team to fade at the finish, like this five-game losing streak and 3-9-2 free fall. Or to hit a scoring slump, like this sickly average of 1.71 goals per game in the latter span. Or to show a lack of focus or discipline or even effort, like we’ve witnessed at various points.

Those things happen. They’re normal.

What isn’t normal, and I don’t write this to beat the dead horse 6 1/2 feet deep but because it’s relentlessly relevant, is playing hockey with five defensemen.

Not in a Harmarville beer league, much less the NHL.

It’s embarrassing.

It’s a joke, actually.

Take your pick for blame on this, but it took hold at the March 3 trade deadline, when Jim Rutherford and his three lieutenants — though the GM often cites the number at nine for those involved in such decisions — decided to make two defenseman-for-defenseman deals, getting Ian Cole from St. Louis for Robert Bortuzzo and Ben Lovejoy from Anaheim for Simon Despres.

Evaluate either trade as you choose — I like Cole a lot, I want to see steadier positioning from Lovejoy, and I’ve got zero regrets about giving up Despres — but the bottom line that day ended up being the actual bottom line: The Penguins were now shoved so hard against the salary cap — as close as $2,000, I’ve heard — that they completely tied their hands in the event that anything would go wrong, especially on defense.

Well, as fate would have it, Christian Ehrhoff went down with a concussion and, if you saw our exclusive report last night, Kris Letang is now lost for the season with his own concussion. And since Derrick Pouliot was the only player on the roster who could be demoted due to a confluence of confusing Collective Bargaining Agreement rules, and no other player could be recalled on an emergency basis until another was injured, the five-defensemen rotation was introduced.

Wait, it actually gets worse, and this is something you won’t read anywhere else …

When Pouliot was hurt Tuesday in Ottawa, the Penguins desperately wanted to demote him and replace him with another defenseman — the most obvious move imaginable — the NHL told them they couldn’t. First, the league explained that Pouliot couldn’t be sent down because he was hurt, which makes no sense given that he hasn’t been placed on injured reserve. Then, the league came back with yet another one of those vague, unpublished CBA explanations — I wrote about this silliness last week — that accused the Penguins of wanting to demote Pouliot strictly to circumvent the cap. That’s considered a no-no, but it’s not laid out in black and white anywhere, and the league apparently has carte blanche to interpret any such matter any way they please.

As a result, the local hockey team played for its playoff life last night with four NHL defenseman plus emergency recall Taylor Chorney because … um … well … even they don’t know.

And if this ticks you off, rest assured the Penguins have you beat big-time.

Say it with me: Best sport, worst league.

At any rate, none of this is shared to excuse the bottom-line blunder that began all this: Rutherford made a mistake, as did Jason Botteril, his lead assistant and the man who for years presided over cap affairs for Rutherford’s predecessor, Ray Shero. They might not have foreseen the worst coming, but that’s actually part of the job.

Now, of course, the worst is upon them.

OK, not the worst. That would be losing tonight to the Sabres, whose crowning achievement this season was achieved last night by clinching 30th and dead last in the league, thus assuring themselves the best chance at the NHL Draft lottery and Erie wunderkind Connor McDavid.

A loss shouldn’t happen. It probably won’t happen. But only a fool would bet against it, if only because Buffalo coach Ted Nolan will have a full roster at his disposal.

And if you think that doesn’t matter, listen to Cole talking about the tired defense …

That response sounds a good bit different than what the defensemen were saying a week or two ago. The joke isn’t funny anymore. They’re exhausted.

One defenseman told me every game now feels like “a track meet.” And that’s omitting a bad word.

Take the Islanders’ winning goal by John Tavares last night: In the Pittsburgh zone, Lovejoy chased Nikolai Kulemin back up the right boards, in part because no forward was forcing his hand. That’s the Penguins’ system as coached by assistant Gary Agnew. And once Kulemin dished back to the point, Lovejoy followed Kulemin into the slot. That’s also per the system. But once Lovejoy realized no one had Tavares down low — Tavares had become Malkin’s man — he began drifting back … only too late. Tavares slammed home the rebound of a Brian Strait shot, and it was 2-1.

On the replay, Lovejoy looks lost. There’s much more to it, as you now can see. And all of the above comes right from Agnew, after he took several more looks at the video.

Would Lovejoy catch Kulemin earlier and seal him off if he weren’t one of five defensemen?

That’s anyone’s guess, but it’s a question that never should have come up.

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