The Steelers swarm Shaun Suisham after his winning 41-yard field goal Sunday at Heinz Field. — GETTY

DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

The Steelers’ defense stunk.

I saw it, you saw it, and there’s no denying it.

Those were the Cleveland Bleeping Browns out there. No, check that, those were the Browns with Brian Hoyer at QB not long after carrying clipboards on the South Side, with a third-round rookie back out of Towson named Terrance West filling in for injured Ben Tate, with tight end Jordan Cameron joining Tate on the bench … and still, somehow, that sorry cast came full-throttle at the home side for the final 30 minutes of what wound up a 30-27 victory only through the grace of a buzzer-beating Shaun Suisham field goal.

Until that, the Browns’ second-half drive chart showed the following grizzly progression:

• • 80 yards, touchdown
• • 59 yards, touchdown
• • 75 yards, field goal
• • 51 yards, touchdown
• • 54 yards, punt … but hey, they started at their 6
• • Minus-11 yards, punt
  

Good thing for that last series, too, or the Steelers’ 82nd season opener might have ranked No. 1 on the all-time you’ve-got-to-be-kidding list in light of their 27-3 lead, as well as the 24 points and 288 yards conceded after the intermission.

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Dri Archer turns the corner on the Eagles in a preseason game two weeks ago in Philadelphia. — GETTY IMAGES

DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

But then there’s that schedule.

See, for all the other analysis that can be performed in predicting the Steelers’ 2014 season, from Ben Roethlisberger being burdened by too many new targets to the running backs being dopes to the defensive front being too young to the secondary being too old, I keep coming back to the same thought: The cumulative winning percentage of the opponents on the 2014 schedule is .469, making for an eighth-place tie for the NFL’s easiest.

The opening seven weeks alone afford an outstanding opportunity for a strong start, including both meetings with the Browns (4-12 last season), the Ravens (8-8), Buccaneers (4-12), Jaguars (4-12) and Texans (2-14), with the Panthers (12-4) providing the only winning record in the stretch.

The Steelers can’t talk about that and, predictably, won’t.

“Cleveland, man. We’re talking Cleveland,” fullback Will Johnson playfully shot back when I broached the topic Wednesday before practice. “I’ll be honest: I don’t know if I’ve even looked at the schedule. I just know we’re opening with Cleveland. Nothing else I can speak to.”

Fine, but I can and will: This schedule stinks. And especially the first half. There’s no good reason not to start out 6-2, or 5-3 at the worst.

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PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION: ALEX MESSMER  /  PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES

DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

The single most significant message the Steelers could possibly take from back-to-back 8-8 seasons is that something’s got to change.

And if the goal for 2014 isn’t just to beat mediocrity but to be markedly better, it stands to reason that something’s got to change a whole heck of a lot.

In all candor, I don’t know if this team can contend. Ben Roethlisberger, Antonio Brown, Troy Polamalu, Lawrence Timmons remain steady anchors, a sprinkling of youth and speed has been added, the offensive line is healthy — where’s that wood again? — and the AFC North looks pretty blah from top to bottom. At the same time, the preseason tackling was terrifying, the secondary was almost as scary, there’s zero depth at the most important position, there’s no sure-fire second receiver, and both running backs just proved to be dopes in every sense of the term.

Add up a bunch of good and a bunch of bad, and I’ll show you 8-8 Part III.

Someone needs to step up.

Someone needs to make a difference, maybe even be different.

Here are my choices for ‘X’ factor on both sides of the ball for 2014:

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DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

At 7:33 p.m. Thursday, a helmetless Ben Roethlisberger strode casually to Heinz Field’s 50-yard line decal for the coin toss between the Steelers and Panthers. And as he did, Carolina countered by sending out all five of its captains, side by side, presumably to outweigh Ben in the karma category, possibly because … well, what the hey, it’s the fourth week of the NFL preseason and someone might as well pretend that something from what’s about to happen will actually matter.

Ben, to his considerable credit, escaped the pile by correctly calling heads.

That’s as good as it got, I swear.

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DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

Jarvis Jones is a special talent, but don’t take my word for it. And for heaven’s sake, don’t trust what your eyes tell you.

No, just re-roll the tape from the evening of April 25, 2013, when the Steelers made Jones the 17th overall pick in the NFL draft, and Kevin Colbert and Mike Tomlin spoke jointly at a press conference about how Jones was one of the 6-8 “special players in the draft.” And they were just clearing their throats.

From Colbert …

“He’s a great player.”

“He plays the run, he chases the ball, and most important he gets after the passer.”

“It’s really just a great honor to have this kid joining our team.”

From Tomlin …

“It really was a fun and easy evaluation.”

“He plays the game with a certain disposition, with a certain demeanor we value. If he’s making a tackle or fronting a block, he’s doing it in a manner we appreciate. He’ll fit in with our group.”

“We’re just very thankful and very excited to have Jarvis.”

All that was missing was angels playing harps.

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