Column: Sideways Steelers should try E-Z Pass

Cleveland Browns v Pittsburgh Steelers

Le’Veon Bell bursts around the Browns’ defense in the Steelers’ opening victory Sept. 7. — GETTY IMAGES

DEJAN KOVACEVIC, DK ON PITTSBURGH SPORTS

Parsing the words of professional coaches and athletes, even the polished executives, is almost always a fool’s errand. These people are quoted more often than the president, and yet they’re not at all trained in public speaking, nor are they remotely prepared in their remarks.

That said, I’m about to parse Ben Roethlisberger, and brazenly so, if only because I’ve long believed that’s the best way to get to the bottom of what’s really churning underneath that helmet.

This was his response today, before the Steelers’ practice on the South Side, when I rather bluntly asked if this offense behaved at its most aggressive in that magical first half of the season opener against the Browns:

As a reporter, you often ask questions you’re fairly certain won’t get answered. I’ll be honest: This was one of them. Roethlisberger is no fan of comparing this game to that one, this year to that, or anything of that ilk. So when he actually did acknowledge the truth, obvious as it is, that surprised me. And it surprised me enough to ask the follow-up for fuller clarity.

So let’s parse, being that we’re all fools for football every Sunday, anyway:

Quote: Roethlisberger acknowledges that his offense was at its most aggressive in the first half against the Browns because “we were the most productive and had the least amount of errors.”

Parse: That kind of offense is what we do best. Not as much to muck up.

Quote: “I just felt like we got after it. We had some big plays, some splash plays …”

Parse: That kind of offense is what we do best. The kind where we go forward, not sideways.

Quote: “Even our screen game was very productive.”

Parse: Even?

Ha!

Look, I’ll repeat the obligatory disclaimer: There are all kinds of ways to interpret what pretty much anyone says about pretty much anything. Yes, even franchise quarterbacks making it painfully clear that they’d rather have all of their playbook’s compasses pointing northward.

So I’ll instead build my own case and start with this: Roethlisberger isn’t the problem.

He was tough on himself Sunday in Jacksonville, almost apologizing for a performance in which he completed 26 of 36 for 273 yards with a TD and no picks. He was mostly blaming himself for the four sacks, one resulting in a fumble and three of them legitimately his fault. But according to Pro Football Focus analytics, he completed 75 percent of passes when the line bought him time. You’ll take that every day and especially Sunday.

Parsing yet again, the franchise QB smartly wanted to ensure his line wouldn’t take public heat for the one thing he did mess up.

In the overall QB stats, Roethlisberger ranks seventh in yards at 1,365, fourth in completion percentage at 68.9, has seven TDs against two picks, and his advanced QB rating currently has him trailing only Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson and Philip Rivers.

For that matter, the Steelers also have one of the best receivers in Antonio Brown, currently third with his 34 catches, third in receiving yards at 511, third in touchdowns with five and second in plays of 20-plus yards with nine.

And one of the best running backs in Le’Veon Bell, currently second with 460 rushing yards, first with a 5.4 average per carry, second in receiving yards at his position with 228.

And one of the best tight ends in Heath Miller, currently sixth at his position with 24 catches, 10th with 243 yards.

And one of the best lines, if you can process that, with a No. 6 ranking in pass protection, No. 12 in run blocking.

Now, take all that, and try squaring it up with the Steelers ranking a below-average 18th in offensive points per game at 22.8, 18th in offensive touchdowns with 12 and — get this — 26th in red-zone efficiency, with seven touchdowns to show for 16 appearances inside the 20. That 43.8 percent success rate is about half of the league-leading Broncos’ 76.9 percent, and it’s especially embarrassing in the context of all but 10 NFL teams being at 50 percent or higher.

Mike Tomlin raised the issue at his press conference Tuesday, specifically regarding the 1-for-4 showing in Jacksonville: “The way we were able to control the ball and possess the ball and move the ball, I don’t think our points reflected that. Really, that’s a function of some red zone failure.”

No doubt. But reducing it to the red zone is overly simplistic. Might even be wishful thinking.

I tilt my head when I look at this offense, not only because I don’t understand its mission but also because that’s the best way to view something that’s constantly going sideways. Run after run, pass after pass, bubble screen after bubble screen, even the fullback, for crying out loud, goes east-west rather than north-south. And most maddening of all, that trait only multiplies as the Steelers get closer to the goal line.

Want another stat?

Roethlisberger has the highest completion rate on passes that travel 20-plus yards. He’s 11 for 19 with two touchdowns, no interceptions, and just that one terribly unfortunate drop by Brown. But those 19 attempts rank 13th.

It’s insanity. Really is.

But hey, toss out all those numbers and just peel open your eyes. Tell me if you’re seeing a team that’s going for the jugular, as it did in that opener against the Browns, or one that’s afraid of its own shadow at times.

I’m not pinning this solely on Todd Haley. Or on Tomlin. Or on Roethlisberger, who, remember, calls the signals in the no-huddle. That, too, would be overly simplistic.

But I am calling out whoever was responsible for the mindset, the approach of that opener to step up and be heard anew. Because whoever that was, willingly or otherwise, dared this offense to be great. They dared this offense to achieve the sum of its parts. Not to maintain possession or kill the clock or any of that other nonsense Tomlin was spouting Sunday in Jacksonville.

It’s about the end zone. It’s about points.

No one will mind if the Steelers take the E-Z Pass lane on occasion.